How did time just pass me by?

I'm having a bit of a problem today. I'm on post-birthday-celebration letdown, after celebrating Larissa's fifth birthday on Sept. 11. I'll take a tangent here for just a second and say that it was a really fun day once she stopped whining.

We went to Disneyland and did a whole bunch of stuff, and she got to ride on Splash Mountain for the first time. Loved it too. In fact, she went three times and achieved her goal of getting soaking wet. I haven't enjoyed that ride that much ever before. Everyone called her "princess" that day - not sure if that's done on birthdays only, but this is the first time I notice, so perhaps. People wished her happy birthday left and right, and she couldn't figure out how they knew. She was wearing a birthday button (I'm getting one next time it's my birthday!) Instead of pointing out that obvious fact, I told her it was because in Disneyland there was a lot of magic, and that's how people know. She'll figure out I flat out lied to her in a few years, but for now magic is fun.

We stayed until parade time, and that's where the whole button thing became so great. She was greeted during the parade by Pinocchio's fairy godmother, by Cinderella, and by Ariel, from all the way up on top of her float. It was just great. I think I enjoyed it even more than her...

Anyway, back to the hard time. My baby is now five. When did that happen? It seems like yesterday I held her for the first time and heard the doctor say "it's a girl!" Now my baby is indeed a little girl, no more a baby, no more a toddler. She's clever, articulate, and a chatter box. She has a sense of what she wants, how she wants it, and the vocabulary to let me know and justify it. It becomes harder and harder to argue with her without resorting to the traditional "because I said so." She's a princess. And she's so vain, but then I suppose most five-year olds are.

Tomorrow she starts German Saturday school. And on Monday she goes to Junior Kindergarten at Serra Catholic. And that means I get to drop her off curbside, she gets to wear a uniform, and from now on she'll be wearing shoes at school. Gone are the days of bare feet, sand in her hair and water play. At least during the academic year. Summer camps are looming in our future, as are extracurricular activities and homework. Gone are the days when I had to change her diapers, cuddle her to sleep, and sing her a song while we rocked on the chair. Gone are the days when I could dress her as a doll without arguments. A whole new era starts on Monday, and as time continues to pass me by, I just hope for glimmers of memories that I'll be able to keep, since remembering every second of every day with her is not possible.

I'm starting to understand how the last child is the one to get away with murder (I hope I don't do that with Katarina). Katarina is fulfilling that need to cuddle my baby, since she's still my baby. But that is coming to an end too, albeit a bit slower than with Larissa. She's my toddler, but she's my baby. And I've given myself a mental deadline for her to truly transition into toddlerhood, at least in my book. Once she starts talking clearly, I'll have to accept that the baby stage is over. In the meantime, I'm enjoying her baby words, her sentences, and her unexpected flashes of clever speech. And I'm not particularly enjoying the diapers, but since she's still quite happy with a wet bottom and has very little interest in changing the status quo, I'm resigned to clean her butt for a bit longer and hold on to this stage for a few more months.

The next three years will be crazy, having to split the drop off and pick up of the girls in two different locations, 20 miles apart. But for as long as this lasts, my baby will stay at the daycare, where babies go, and where we moms can hang on to a bit of this time that goes away so quickly.

There are days when I "can't wait" for so many things: Larissa to start Spanish class in school, Larissa and Katarina to have their first daughter-father dance, Katarina to be out of diapers and us out of diaper expenses. The truth is that I can wait. That I want to wait. That I want to soak my brain in these days when my kids challenge every fiber of my being and test my patience to the very limit, these days when they're still dependent on me and make some things difficult. I can wait. Because I want to experience it, enjoy it, cherish it, and ultimately remember it.