TheDaysAreBlendingTogether 

Day 11 and counting... Finally had a doctor tell me what to expect regarding when I can go home. She let me know this first phase is a three to four week hospitalization phase... three to four WEEKS... that's a lot of days. I may or may not be half way through. I may or may not have cried when I heard that. 

I'll get back to that, but first some good news. We got the cytogenetics back, and the cells are negative for the worrisome mutations. I'll take that! Next generation sequencing takes a while longer. I know it still depends on how I react to treatment and, as we travel down this road, that will determine which direction we take at each fork on the road. I'd like to request a straight, boring, route please. 

I now have a PICC line on my left arm, and the peripheral IVs have been removed. I am regaining range of motion (one of the IVs irritated the inside of my elbow, which was very painful). I can now get my hair in a ponytail! And with a PICC I can take showers! It's the little things, people...

I am grateful that I've tolerated this first round of chemo fairly well. There are a couple of small sores in my mouth that make eating even more difficult, there's loss of appetite and changing taste (combined with hospital food). Not chemo-related but AML related, my gums haven't completely receded, so biting and chewing can be problematic.

This week is all about waiting for values to drop, come back up, and assisting me to keep my counts above acceptable levels (I guess I have to remain functional). Monday I get another bone marrow biopsy - it's the weirdest thing to feel them drill through your hip bone... Then we wait for results to see if the chemo did what it was supposed to, and I can move into the consolidation phase. Once my blood levels are at acceptable levels without support (no transfusions), I can go home. No idea for how long at this point.

So, back to the long-term residency I now am coming to terms with... I remain the fun patient. I'm getting to know all the nurses and the staff. I'm hearing their stories. And I'm doling out life advice - I feel like Charlie Brown's Lucy, "the doctor is in"! I might just become the "Dear Abby" of the fourth floor. And I may be trying to convert the chaplain to the Catholic faith. To his credit, he continues to come back and hasn't run away. 

My room is covered with posters and pictures of my family, which reminds me every day why I fight. I have a Wonder Woman banner that reminds me that I've got this. I now am the proud owner of a Wonder Woman robe, WW socks, and golden cuffs! I wore the robe to walk around yesterday, showing it off. I have books, coloring books, a bowl full of Jolly Ranchers and Ghirardelli chocolate (I have to share all that...), and so on and so forth. All reminders of the friends who are rooting for me. 

I have more up moments than down and continue to work on keeping a positive attitude. I don't know if I've absorbed all of this or not, and I know it's early yet and it will get worse before it gets better, but I'm taking the bull by the horns and letting this bitch know it ain't taking me down. 

And while thedaysareblendingtogether, I feel surrounded by love, support, encouragement and prayers from you all. Everywhere I look the same word keeps coming up: Hope. If God is telling me to have it, I'm listening and following his clues. He's shown up every single day, never letting go. I am so grateful for that. 

My husband is my rock. My children are holding up and handling this as well as could be hoped for. And my parents, well, they worry, but they are keeping the faith. 

So, I hope every day. I try to surrender every day (that's really hard for me), I refuse to worry about the things I have no answers for and try not to fear the things over which I have no control.

I remain so grateful for you all. You spur me on, push me forward, and prop me up when standing becomes difficult.

Thank you for lighting my path with your presence. It's humbling and overwhelming and so, so appreciated.