The question can be as fun as whether the toilet paper should roll from the top or the bottom - which not surprisingly elicited rather strong opinions and provided long stretches of entertainment. It also can be searching and hard to answer, so we receive the question each day with a bit of anticipation and a bit of weariness. Have we had enough coffee to answer whatever comes our way?
Tuesday's question was "what is the universe telling you to do?"
Well, the universe isn't necessarily telling me to do anything. For me, that guiding hand is the hand of God and what He wills for my life. More and more I have come to understand that this is a partnership, and that discerning the will of God for me leads me, as the Psalm says, to green pastures.
And lately, He's been telling me to forgive and reminding me to stay away from the cycle of negativity that so easily can engulf us when we find ourselves in environments that squeeze, in situations we can't control, in stretches of life we see as unfair.
I don't know which one is hardest - forgiveness, or staying away from the cycle of negativity. In a way, these two can be tied together, making it harder to sort through each.
Forgiveness is easier said than done. Especially when we feel justified - we know what was done to us was wrong, we deserve an apology, some sort of acknowledgement, and the person on the other side should face the consequences of their actions. Life is never that cut and dry, however. Is it?
So we hold on to our hurt and our grudge, "put it aside", "move on", "get over it." And eventually time takes care of it. Or does it?
I have found myself still angry at people after years have gone by, unable to even think of them without getting that feeling of hurt and betrayal. So, how did time's healing hand work for me? How did I move on? How did I get over it? I didn't.
And then forgiveness as a path started to enter the equation more and more prominently. God often whispers and speaks to us in the silence. And sometimes, He smacks us over the head. I got both. I got the whisper, and once I was ready to listen, I got the smack. And I got some pretty amazing insight sitting in front of the Blessed Sacrament in adoration one night.
I saw myself unable, though by now willing, to forgive. Unsure if I could, I prayed for the desire to forgive and eventually for the ability to do so. The reading during compline was from one of the letters of St. Paul and dealt with anger and forgiveness (see? I got smacked!) A letter St. Paul wrote while in captivity. A letter he wrote talking of love of neighbor, as he loved and forgave those who would martyr him.
It's sometimes difficult to think of forgiveness and love of neighbor as Christ loved, because, well, being Christ, He was not just human but also divine. St. Paul wasn't. He was a sinner. He had persecuted Christians and taken them to their deaths. He also had a powerful conversion, and from that point on turned his life around. St. Paul was like you and me: 100% human, flawed, broken.
And yet, St. Paul could forgive and love in the face of the most astonishing and cruel circumstances. It wasn't his job to judge those who inflicted pain on him. It wasn't up to him to dole out consequences or dictate what would become of his enemies.
He knew, unmistakably, that he was here to love and to serve, without judgement. And love implies forgiveness. And serving implies humility - and when it comes to forgiveness, that humility includes accepting that it is not for us to decide what the consequence or just punishment is for others when they wrong us.
And in that moment of insight, I felt the weight of those years of holding hurt and grudges lift off my shoulders. I felt peace. And I felt surrounded by the love of God, who guided me to this place of light.
So, what's the universe telling YOU to do?
No comments:
Post a Comment