Friendship: then, now and forever?

As with everything else, friendship has its own cycles. There's a saying that states: "some friends come into your life for a reason, some for a season, some for a lifetime." We've all lived this, we've all fallen into each of these categories, and it makes sense. 

I've been reflecting on this recently, somewhat out of necessity. I've also been thinking of Fr. James Martin's thoughts on friendship - basically, that to truly love our friends means to love them with all their faults and virtues, without expecting a behavior that is not natural to them in order to feel like our friendship is mutual. 

And that is the point - there should never be an expectation for reciprocity in true friendship. 

I, for example, am horrible about sending cards and acknowledging special occasions. Facebook reminds me of your birthday, if we are connected that way, and thank goodness for that. I have a friend for whom cards mean the world. If I forget to send her one, it is not because I love her any less. She is, in fact, very dear to me, and I'd bend over backwards to be there for her in times of need. 

It is one of the most difficult things to love our friends this way, because we all end up doing things that unintentionally may signal a lack of caring to the people in our lives. And when those signals are aimed at us, it's even harder to accept that we all have separate lives, varying priorities, and times of momentary lapses.

And let's face it, there should never be a sense of obligation either.

Yes, true friendship compels us to reach out, to stay in touch, to be there for good and bad, to want to spend time together. It also is true that we are more likely to do those things with the people geographically or circumstantially closer to us, forgetting that Facebook "connection" might keep us informed but not necessarily together. 

So, to my friends, know that I appreciate you, that I love you even when my actions or yours are not nearly close to perfect or congruent with that statement, and that I welcome any opportunity to connect and go deeper than likes and photo sharing. 

To my friends, I pledge to do my best to love you unconditionally, without expectation for reciprocity, and never wanting even the shadow of obligation to tarnish our relationship.