Embracing "me"...

Or, embracing my "hot-headedness". I've decided it's time I do. For years I have known about it (big duh, I know...) A few years ago, I actually got nicknamed the "hothead". And in case you care or wonder, yes, I do fight it and try to suppress it. But it's like a valve. You can try to stop the steam from coming out, but eventually it will!

So, in addition to fighting it, I have come to the conclusion that it's best to embrace it. Hello world! I am Lara, and I am a hothead. 

Moreover, I think I could start a little club where hotheads are welcome, admired, and praised. And while we are at it, maybe we will have a bit of a behavioral chat to see how we can best maximize the power of the hothead and start turning the inevitable perception: hothead=trouble-maker. 

I totally admire the people who can keep a poker face and a shut mouth. I, for the most part, am incapable of both of those at the same time. Some times I manage to keep my mouth shut, but I can guarantee you the steam will come out from my ears, thus defeating any effort at looking collected, and barely making it as "contained". 

I am a passionate person. As such, I share my ideas passionately. Probably something to do with the Latin blood that runs through my veins... Passionately sharing things is not always a plus, especially if you live in California, where everything has to be sugar-coated for general consumption. Thus, the reputation of the hothead is born, enhanced, and kept very much alive.

On the other hand, I hate lies, and some days I just hate politics. (No, I don't work for the government, but after several years in the higher-education environment, I feel pretty certain I could navigate governmental politics quite successfully). And I hate the fact that people walk into a room, stare at the huge white elephant in the center of it, and manage somehow to ignore it. If there is a problem, let's face it and solve it!!

And that is where the hothead (or at least this one) is cruelly misunderstood: we're not here to stir trouble, but we very much will point it out in order to solve it. And we don't want to sugar-coat, because it's a waste of time, energy, and effort, and a lot more saliva than I like to use in a matter-of-fact conversation. 

Finally, I much rather be a hothead for life, than turn into a bobble-head - you know, those people who sit in the first couple of rows to suck up to the dictator they have for a boss, and who nod incessantly with every lie, every false promise, every creative interpretation of the facts. 

Ugh... I confess

Yup. I've been skirting the issue. I've been dodging the bullet. I've been happily ignoring the situation. I've been in denial bliss. And I've been complaining of lack of content for this blog. Now I must confess.

After years and years of handling cameras, taking pictures, learning about exposure, composition, development, printing, mounting, zone system (my favorite), etc., being trusted with cameras - anything from 35 mm to large format (4X5 dreams)... After all these years, I did manage to make the biggest rookie mistake and ended up sending what my friend Sherry calls my "bad-ass camera" flying to land, lens first, on concrete. 

Ugh. Mental slap, kick, and punch. Internal crying. Lots of modulated breathing and controlling the emotions so that the brain could work. 

Happy to report the only thing broken was my UV filter, although the lens did get dented, so the camera and lens are out for diagnostics and repairs. I'm "cameraless", but not for long.

And a BIG, BIG, BIG kudos to my darling husband, who spent the money on (what I always viewed as useless) insurance for the "bad-ass" camera - not so useless, was it?

The New Voyeurism...

I finally got a Facebook account, after a few invitations from my friends. Then I decided to populate my page, since what's the point of having an empty account. Then I started adding friends... and then I got addicted. 

Good addicted? Bad addicted? That depends. On the good side, I am finding so many people I haven't heard from since I can't remember when. And I am looking for people from my past that I hadn't even thought about finding at this point in my life! Which, I have to admit, is pretty cool...

That said, I've started to wonder if this symbiosis I seem to have found is an exercise in futility. There's the side that makes me post a picture on my page, link flickr for my "friends" to see, post my blog on an RSS feed, and even get a superhuman ability as a "hero" (OK, that one is a lot of fun, and I bet it'll get better when I really learn how to use it). On the other side, there's that part of me that stops by my "friends" sites and looks into their worlds. Pictures, walls, comments, friends, applications, little quirks. 

So what's my point? Here it goes: are we really keeping in touch with each other? Or are we just comfortably keeping tabs on each other without further commitment? Gone are the days when we picked up the phone to see what was going on. Now we just log in and find out for ourselves. In some cases, we'll actually send an email, and in others we'll go as far as chatting online. But for the most part we spend our time "peeking" into the lives of those we know with their authorization. We are the voyeurs looking into the lives of others, and we indulge our need for attention, exhibitionist inclination, or whatever you identify with, for the benefit of those others. 

So granted, this is all with permission. And that's my point! "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours" because it's far more convenient than keeping up an actual relationship. And while we are at it, we maintain the illusion that this is building on our friendships. But is that the case? Or are we just building on a list of "friends" to have a concrete count that assures us we are not, in fact, missing the human element in our relationships?

Probably a bit of both. And I stop sounding critical, because after all this is just a thought, and I do happen to enjoy this Facebook thing. In fact, I'm having a great time finding people, reconnecting with some, and peeking into the lives of others. The peeping-tom of the 21st century.