When life begins! Or so they say... and I am excited about this - really, I AM! Why else would I tell the world my age, when I can easily shave a few years off and pretend I'm still in my thirties? Nonetheless, this whole turning forty thing has gotten me thinking... they say it's just the beginning of your life - I'm thinking in some respects it's just the beginning...
For us women it should read, "Welcome to 40! You now are entitled to regular mammograms." The fine print would read, "In exchange for this new thrill, we are taking away your 20/20 eyesight. You no longer will be able to read the fine print without chic, stylish (optional) glasses (mandatory). Unintended advantages of presbyopia may include no longer being able to see the mammography technician up close, like when she's ready to squeeze your tatas into those dreaded plates, effectively turning said tatas into temporary pancakes."
And I suppose that's what got it all started... unlike the pain of childbirth, which I will clearly remember for the rest of my natural life, I had forgotten how bad mammograms are. Really, who came up with this concept? It turns out this torture mechanism was invented in 1966, and yes, you guessed it, by a man... Albert Saloman. Now I ask myself, had Dr. Saloman been after screening testicles, would he have come up with the same device? I think not.
Of all the things to worry about as you get older, getting part of yourself grabbed, squeezed and compressed should be at the top of the list. Forget wrinkles and Botox. Quit worrying about the loss of your youth. Stop obsessing about impending menopause... and beware of the mammogram. And on top of it all, remember to keep your tatas healthy!
