Role reversal

I wonder how, when and why it happens. When I was growing up, my parents cared for me, worried about me, and tried to steer me through the safest path, the one with the least amount of obstacles, the one that hopefully would lead me to a happy and fulfilled life as an adult. Now I find myself doing the same for my children, and oddly enough worrying about it for my parents.

When did I start feeling like I needed to care for them and protect them? When did the frustration start at finding myself unable to make things easier for them and solve their problems? I worry now morning and night about their decisions, their lives, and the potential consequences of their actions. They may have more experience, and they certainly have a very different outlook, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to, in a sense, mother them.

I wrestle with the inability to protect them, and finally find some reassurance in the fact that life really didn't mean for me to take on that role. And I close my eyes and pray that somehow, somewhere, they will find happiness and a way to live the rest of their lives with dignity. And I say "they" because I'd rather not point the finger at the parent that really is making me lose sleep. You know who you are, and I hope you know that, no matter what, I love you.

The hills are alive...

...and the devastation we saw during the October fires has given way to a carpet of green. As I drive down teh 241 Toll Road heading toward Rancho Santa Margarita, I find myself resisting the urge to pull my car over and soak in the view of the hillside.

I know Ireland has the claim to the greenest green, but right now, our hills are intense with it from new growth and rebirth. Here and there you can still catch the charred trees that no longer stand proud in stark contrast with the brilliant colors of Spring. And through it all, wildflowers have found their way once again, adding the beauty of their lavender and bright yellow. Rolling with the hills I also find a profusion of Mustard flowers, and my mind reels with the wonder of nature.

I sigh and wish I could stop the car, get out, and lay down on the green carpet to watch the amazing blue sky. Spring is around the corner, and while there was loss and desolation only a few months ago, now is the time to hold on to hope and life. My heart is filled with the beauty of the simple things around me.